brain droppings by george carlin

Author:george carlin
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: political
ISBN: 9780786883219
Publisher: Hyperion
Published: 1998-04-22T00:00:00+00:00

Brain Droppings

y observEdl (oil euphemisms actual

= holistic massage therapy liEQP llOttl = limited service lodging

= interim financing = custodial interference mottfESJ ond box spring = sleep system SnQCKJOD = live-in companion W StOP = travel plaza USED UIQEOCOSSEttE = previously viewed cassette Ullrf DEQtfflj] = intermittent explosive disorder

= performing arts center

= nail technician nUQC DEQCl) = clothing optional beach pEEpnOlE = observation port DQIQI)ESS = acquired uncombable hair = remains pouches

= deficit water situation rECESSIOI) = a meaningful downturn in aggregate output 111 IOUE = emotionally involved lOOm ClEfK = guest service agent

?56

GEORGE CARLIN

brain droppings

I1QRE FAVORITE EUTHEtlSHS

= career apparel SEQt D€lt!/Qir DQQ = impact management system

= commercial sex worker = marital aid nOllbeliEUErS= the unchurched

= resume enhancement = pregnancy loss = batons

= commodity relocation = adult entertainer fOOID SEFUiff = private dining = party space

= pipe-frame exercise unit X = makeshift home finpprinting= digital imaging ffltlOdl|= big woman JlinKlES = the user population apflrtmEI)t= dwelling unit committee = task force

= room attendant = product specialist

bO(l lOOItt = nonperforming assets SEQSJCknCSS = motion discomfort QQRQS = nontraditional organized crime CiUiliOIldEOtllS= collateral damage pl)ling]Oint= gaming resort IDOlE = beauty mark giirbQgf COllECtiOl) = environmental services bfEOSt = white meat = dark meat = bio-solids

= ethnic cleansing = sports utility vehicle

= learning resources center jllllk mail = direct marketing SOdajerk = fountain attendant soldiers and weapons = military assets thirdflOOr= level three illegal immigrant = guest worker JEtSKI = personal watercraft loafers

158

GEORGE CARLIN

I know I’m a little late with his, but I’d like to get a f licks in on this bogus topic before it completely disappea from everyone’s consciousness.

First, I want to be really clear about one thing: as far as other people’s feelings are concerned—especially these “victim groups”—when I deal with them as individuals, I will call them whatever they want. When it’s one on one, if some guy wants me to call him a morbidly obese, African-ancestored male with a same-gendered sexual orientation I’ll be glad to do that. On the other hand, if he wants me to call him a fat nigger cocksucker, then that’s what it will be. I’m here to please.

If I meet a woman who wishes to be referred to as a motion-impaired, same-gender-oriented Italian-American who is difficult to deal with, fine. On the other hand, I am perfectly willing to call her a crippled, Guinea dyke cunt if she prefers. I’m not trying to change anyone’s self-image. But! But! When I am speaking generally, and impersonally, about a large group of people, especially these victim groups, I will call them what I think is honest and fair. And I will try not to bullshit myself.

OK, so, who exactly are these victims? Well, first of all, I don’t think everyone who says he’s a victim automatically qualifies. I don’t think a homely, disfigured, bald minority person with a room-temperature IQ who limps and stutters is necessarily always a victim. Although I will say she prob ably shouldn’t be out trying to get work as a receptionist. But maybe that’s just the way it oughta be.

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